The Supreme Being is powerful and omnipotent. He is invisible, and nobody really knows how He came to be. He is depicted as a heap of spaghetti appendages with two meatballs and a pair of eyes attached to the noodly body through a pair of stalks. He is the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and according to the Pastafarianism Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that was how the world began.
The Spaghetti Monster thought about making things. On the first day, He separated the water from the heavens. However, the Flying Spaghetti Monster soon became tired of flying and treading the waters, so he on the second day, He created land. He made patches of land that divide the waters, and from it sprung beer volcanoes. He spent the next three days creating the Heaven, the stripper factory in heaven, the Earth, the midget called Man, and the rest of the universe- for it was so large- that He got so tired and declared Friday a holiday.
Pastafarianism, also known as the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, is a well-known parody religion that satirizes the teachings of Intelligent Design in public schools across Kansas. With its growing number of following, however, one might argue that the Pastafarianism Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has become a true and legitimate religion.
In 2005, Bobby Henderson, a physics graduate from the Oregon State University sent an open letter to the Kansas State Board of Education. The letter primarily sought to protest the teaching of Intelligent Design in Biology classes by announcing that his belief of the Pastafarianism Spaghetti Monster as the creator of the universe was equally justifiable- hence worthy of being taught at classrooms just as much. He claimed that the universe is actually young, just around 5000, not millions of years old as scientists say. According to Henderson, the Spaghetti Monster made false evidences to make the Earth seem older and even interfered with scientific experiments and carbon dating processes to get dissimilar results.
The challenge of the concept of Pastafarianism quickly became an internet sensation, becoming the symbol for opposition for Intelligent Design, thus prompting Henderson to develop the idea and write a Holy Book for the Pastafarianism Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The Pastafarianism concept was supported by evidences, illustrations, and edited stock images found in the Pastafarianism book called The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The gospel presents the doctrine abided by followers of Pastafarianism Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It gives an account of the Pastafarian creation myth, as well as teaches the way how followers to ascend to heaven through the eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” which are pretty much the parody the Ten Commandments and the whole sacred scrupulousness of other religions. According to the Pastafarianism Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, there were originally ten slabs of stone that were given by the Spaghetti Monster to the Pirate Mosey. Each contains an advice regarding Pastafarianism Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and conduct, but two of them were lost while descending Mt. Salsa. These commandments advised against spending large sums of money on temples, shrines, churches, and other dedicated place of worship to the Spaghetti Monster, claiming being able to talk to His Noodly Goodness, thinking of oneself as holy, special, and superior to a non-believer, as well as judging other people regardless of gender or the way they look.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster also believes that the modern man came from pirates instead of primates. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster discusses how His Noodly Goodness, the omnipotent Flying Spaghetti Monster himself made- or rather cooked- life from different elements. According to Pastafarianism Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the original pirates were calm, peace-loving beings, and next to penguins, where the first living Pastafarians in history. However, their divine image was ruined by missionaries and disciples of other religions. The Pastafarianism Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster believes that the diminishing number of pirates is unequivocally causing the global warming phenomenon, as well as the earthquakes, storms, hurricanes, and other natural disasters that plague the Earth today.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster observes very few rituals and religious ceremonies as the religion itself is founded to reject strict and formal dogmata. Noodles and pasta are also central to every ritual in Pastafarianism. In accordance to the Pastafarianism Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster beliefs of creation, in which the Flying Spaghetti Monster has declared every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday as days of rest, believers of Pastafarianism celebrate Friday (particularly Friday the 13th) as a Holy Day. They also have the Pastafarianism fundamentals rituals: Talk like a Pirate Day (which is the equivalent of Christmas in the Pastafarianism calendar, the Parrot Festival, Pastover, the Ramedan, and the Fruit Smuggling ritual every full moon.
Followers of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster can celebrate the holidays in any manner they wish, though the truest of the spaghetti monster believers celebrate them in full pirate regalia. The Pastafarian holidays are meant to be used for maximum relaxation, where followers of the Pastafarianism spaghetti monster can eat and drink as much as they want. During Pastafarianism’s Holy Noodle Ceremony, every Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster follower is expected to do the Noodle Dance, a once complex type of dance that now resembles the modern Ribbon Dance.
Believers of Pastafarianism are required to bless the spaghetti monster’s holy spirits whenever they consume beer, rum, etc. This sacred Pastafarianism ritual is done by raising the glass and touching it with the glass of fellow followers before acknowledging the His Noodly Goodness the Spaghetti Monster with “Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr!” Prayers are concluded with a RAmen, like the Japanese noodle combined with Amen. Pastafarians also do Genuflection to repel the evil influence of science. Prayers and hymns in Pastafarianism are full of parodies and pasta puns.
Pastafarianism believes in the life after. Those who have spread their goodness as commanded by the Spaghetti Monster are entitled to enjoy the beer volcanoes and stripper factories with the Spaghetti Monster Himself in the Great Pasta Bowl for all eternity, while those who are ignorant of the Spaghetti Monster and truth in Pastafarianism will be sent to the depths of the Underground Freezer of Doom, where there are only whipping, stale beer and sick strippers. However, doomed individuals can escape punishment by repenting heartily and accepting Pastafarianism and the One True Spaghetti Monster.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster also believes in the end of the world- the ultimate punishment for non-believers of Pastafarianism- where the great Flying Spaghetti Monster will descend to Earth and destroy everything with his noodly appendages. Vegetarians will be crushed and punished with fiery bits of meat, while the faithful followers of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster delighted Him with piracy, smuggling, and oxygenated blood will be wrapped and protected by the Spaghetti Monster’s Noodly Appendages.
Converting to Pastafarianism is extremely simple- it could be one of the simplest in the world. The Conversion Ritual, also known by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as the Holy Suck, does not require anything but a long spaghetti noodle. According to the Pastafarianism Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the noodle should be cooked al dente, flung at a wall or a ceiling to see if it sticks, then slurped in one swift motion. Too much parmesan is prohibited as it may cause the Pastafarianism ritual to go terribly wrong.