Creationism vs Evolution
Creationism is a group of beliefs and theories about the origin of earth and life, most of which were established according to the Bible. Though non-Christian creationism also exists, most creationism theories posit the existence of the Abrahamic God. Among the popular types of creationism are Young Earth Creationism, Gap Creationism, and Intelligent Design.
Creationism was a concept prominent in the past, until scientific discoveries found new evidences to support the evolution theory. In the United States, teaching creationism in public schools was banned by a court ruling in compliance with the Establishment Cause of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. To get around this decision, a group of creationism advocates developed intelligent design- a form of creationism theory which presents itself as a science instead of merely being a collection of theistic beliefs.
However, the presentation of intelligent design as science-based creationism caused the scientific community and other evolution supporters to raise their eyebrows. One of the most amusing and most peculiar opposition emerged during the Kansas debates in 2005 wherein the Kansas State Board of Education considered teaching intelligent design alongside the evolution theory in public high schools. An open letter to the Board of Education spread like wildfire all over the internet and eventually became the first manifestation of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Things You Need to Know About Pastafarianism and the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a secret society that has been in present for 5000 years already. It only came out in the open when the Flying Spaghetti Monster touched Bobby Henderson with His noodly appendages and inspired him to reveal His Noodliness’ presence.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the chief deity of Pastafarianism. He is the Creator and the Director of the Universe. He is capable of flight. The Flying Spaghetti Monster cannot be seen by mortals, but he is often depicted as a flying serving of pasta with meatballs and a pair of eyes.
The flying spaghetti monster has a very beautiful name. However, speaking it or even writing it down will cause death to the doer and his immediate surroundings. To avoid this, followers of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has come up with different names to refer to the spaghetti monster. Among these names are His Noodliness, His Savoriness, the Noodle in the Sky, and His Noodly Appendage.
Bobby Henderson is a Physics graduate from the Ohio State University. But more important than that, he is the messiah of the modern Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. His open letter to the Kansas State Board of Education led to the revival of the Pastafarian Church. It is believed that when he dies he will be united with the spaghetti monster and that he will spend the afterlife next to the Beer Volcano.
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
After the open letter to the Kansas State Board of Education gained immense popularity, several publishing houses offered to publish the Gospel of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. In 2006, Bobby Henderson finally penned the book published by Villard Press. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is considered the Holy Book of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Creation: As Told By the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Forget the fossil and radiocarbon dating evidences presented by evolutionists. The flying spaghetti monster created the earth about 5000 years ago, and these evidences pointing out that the earth is older are actually planted deliberately by the spaghetti monster to confuse people. Moreover, the spaghetti monster liked manipulating radiocarbon test results.
The story of Pastafarian creation is simple. First, there was a word, and that word was “Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!” The spaghetti monster created the heaven, the trees and the midgit. The following days he created everything else. But then he got so tired that he needed the last three days for rest.
In the alternative version of creation presented in the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Flying Spaghetti Monster drank heavily and had a hangover when creating the earth. This is the reason why the world is flawed and had so many problems. After creating things, the spaghetti monster rested and made some pasta. When He returned to check up on His new creations, He discovered that thousands of years have already passed and the pirates were already roaming the seas.
Pirates and the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
The flying spaghetti monster loved how adventurous and carefree the pirates were. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster believes that the pirates were the first Pastafarians. By comparing the percentage of similarities between DNA make up, followers of the spaghetti monster found out that the pirates were also our true ancestors.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has also discovered the link between global warming and the number of pirates in existence today. They correlate the dwindling number of pirates to global warming and the greater number of natural disasters such as hurricanes, earthquakes and floods. Members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster try to help lessen the effects of global warming by wearing pirate costumes and speaking like pirates.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s “I’d Really Rather You Didnt’s”
The “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” is a set of eight commandments entrusted by the spaghetti monster to the pirate Mosey. It serves as a guide on how followers of the spaghetti monster should lead their lives.
Flying Spaghetti Monster Prayers
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has a lot of prayers that are chanted during rituals and festivities. The most common ones were The Noodles Prayer, Hail Meat Sauce, and Glory Be to the Pasta. All Pastafarian prayers are concluded by saying “RAmen!”
Apart from prayers, Pastafarians also sing hymns to worship the spaghetti monster. The Noodle Dance is also performed during the Holy Noodle Ceremony. It is important for followers to execute each rituals appropriately as failure to do so will cause Godzilla to appear.
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Holidays
Friday is a Holy Day for the Flying Spaghetti Monsterists. Followers celebrate Fridays by drinking wine and eating meat and pasta to their heart’s content. Apart from Fridays, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster also observes a number of rituals and festivities such as the Ramendan, the Saucrifice and the Parrot Day. The Talk like a Pirate Day is considered the equivalent of Christmas.
How to Join the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
You might suddenly wish to convert to Pastafarianism and follow the great Spaghetti Monster after reading this article. But how is it done?
Converting to Pastafarianism is done through a simple ceremony called the Holy Suck. There is no need for priests or reception parties. You only have to cook a strand of spaghetti, throw it to the ceiling to see of it sticks, and consume it regardless of the result. To be specific the strand of pasta must be slurped within 1.618034 seconds.
After successfully performing the Conversion Ritual, you must of course try your best to live according to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti’s principles. Remember WWAPD (What Would A Pirate Do?). From now on you must strive to drink beer whenever you can, wear full pirate regalia whenever you have a chance and avoid overcooked pasta. Oh, please don’t forget the parrot.