The Flying Spaghetti Monster Wiki
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster: History.
In the mid 2000s, a singular serving of spaghetti rose to popularity, becoming the most popular noodle figure on earth. The suspended heap of noodly spaghetti with two meatballs and a pair of eyes appeared all over the internet, digitally added to stock photographs, printed on shirts, and even crudely drawn on walls. This particular heap of pasta is the representation of the deity held most high by the followers of Pastafarianism, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
According to Pastafarianism, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the Supreme Being, the creator of the heaven and the earth, and all the beer volcanoes and stripper factories found in it. The spaghetti monster is powerful and undetectable, only seen by people whom He wishes to reveal Himself to. Originally a parody in an open challenge to the Kansas State Board of Education, the concept of Pastafarianism, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, attracted a number of followers and the spaghetti monster became the symbol of movements against the teaching of Intelligent Design in public school biology classes.
Bobby Henderson wrote an open letter to the Kansas State Board of Education, declaring that he believes that the world was created by the spaghetti monster; that humans evolved from pirates; that the universe is actually younger than it really is; and that this Pastafarianism creation theory, as well as other concepts put forward by other groups and religions, must be taught in schools alongside other theories of Intelligent Design. He argues that students must be given the choice to choose which creation theory to believe in.
After the Pastafarianism letter went viral, several publishers offered Bobby Henderson deals for writing a book about the Flying Spaghetti Monster. On March 2006, Villard published The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The book, which satirized Intelligent Design and Christian rituals and beliefs, became the Holy Book of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster: The Creation Theory.
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster presents the doctrine of Pastafarianism. It explained the concepts first introduced in the open letter. By means of altered images from various points of human history, the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster claimed that Pastafarianism and His Noodly Goodness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, actually existed thousands of years ago. Furthermore, it shuns scientific evidences regarding the age of the earth, claiming that fossil research and carbon dating experiments are practically invalid because the Great Spaghetti Monster has thought of planting false evidences- apart from altering results every now and then.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster created the Universe. According to the prominent Pastafarianism Creation Myth, His Noodly Goodness used His extensive knowledge to create the Heaven, the Earth, the seas, the land, the mountains, the midget, and different forms of life in four days- before resting on the 5th, 6th, and the 7th days. Life was skilfully created from boiling a very minute strand of spaghetti and elementary particles in salted water. The first humans were extremely short because the spaghetti monster pushed them a little bit too much to the ground with His Noodly Appendages. The first midget and his wife initially live in the Olive Garden of Eden until the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster accidentally caused a big flood while cooking.
The Great Spaghetti Monster wanted men to have something to frown on, so He created the cavemen. But the cavemen greatly displeasured Him, thus He destroyed them. The Spaghetti Monster then decided to create dinosaurs; but they grew too large and destroyed the pirate ships that He also had to get rid of them. The Spaghetti Monster of Pastafarianism has a lot more different things, but most of them caused problems and had to be eradicated.
According to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the original followers of Pastafarianism were the pirates. They were kind and peace-loving creatures, but the Christian theologians ruined their gentle image and spread stories about robbery and ostracism during the Middle Ages. But apart from that, evidences show that we share with them 99.9% (which is definitely greater than the 95% match with the chimpanzees) of our DNA. Therefore, according to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the modern man evolved from pirates, not primates. Pastafarianism also believes that natural disasters and global warming are caused by the dwindling number of pirates in existence today. This is the reason why members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster insist on donning full pirate regalia when spreading the word of the One True Spaghetti Monster and attending Pastafarianism-related celebrations.
How to Live Like a True Monsterist: Pastafarianism Condiments, Rituals, and Prayers.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster abides by a set of eight Condiments known as Pastafarianism’s “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts.” These Condiments, each engraved in a slab of stone tablet, are presented by His Noodly Goodness the Flying Spaghetti Monster to Mosey the Pirate in Mt. Salsa. There were originally ten instructions in the list, but Mosey dropped two of them while descending the mountain. The “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” addresses how a true follower of Pastafarianism Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster must properly worship the Spaghetti Monster and deal with issues such as nutrition, sexual conduct, and how to behave towards people of different religious beliefs.
Apart from the “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts,” members of the Pastafarianism Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster also abide by several core values. These are Meatitude (power), Sauceredness (sharp mind), Noodliness (flexibility and energy), and Piracy and Smuggling. These core values, when integrated in one’s lifestyle, greatly please the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Adherence to these guidelines decides whether a person will enjoy the beer volcanoes and stripper factories with the Spaghetti Monster in Heaven, or if they will be whipped in the Underground Freezer of Doom. In this place the beer in the volcanoes are stale and the strippers in the factory are ill. The person’s deed while on Earth is very important in determining his fate. One day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster will descend to Earth and punish those who are ignorant of the ways of the Pastafarianism.
Like most religions, the Pastafarianism Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster observes special holidays and rituals for the Spaghetti Monster- though in a very simple manner. Friday is declared as the Holy Day, as it is stated in the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster that the Flying Spaghetti Monster took a rest on that day. September 16th is Talk like a Pirate Day, the equivalent of Christmas in Pastafarianism.
To be considered a true member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, one is expected to know the essential practices stated by the Gospel. In Pastafarianism, the proper conversion ritual is The Holy Suck, where the converted cooks a strand of spaghetti to symbolise the Spaghetti Monster, tosses it to see if it’ll stick to the wall, then eaten in one slurp. According to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the proper way to end their prayers with “RAmen,” while the right way to acknowledge The Noodly Spirit before drinking beer is to raise your glass, touch it with the other glasses, and shout “Aaaaaarrrrr!” Every follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is also expected to learn the Noodle Dance, do the Genuflection to ward off the influences of science and logic, participate in the Pastafarianism Fruit Smuggling ritual every full moon, and cook his pasta al dente.